Happiest Moments in My Life

Today when I was having my coffee and long talk with my friend, instantly I was engulfed with moments that I remember being rapturous about. The moments can be a little thing or momentous one that one can never forget the joy it brings to our life. It brings a new breath of life. A million things (literally speaking) were running through my mind when I tried to evoke the memories. There was a mere silence suddenly where I already far into the journey to my past.  All I could recall was the momentous moments but the little moments that have enriched my life has been hiding at the back of my mind. Perhaps it was just too many little things that I can’t decipher in a jiffy.

Graduation with Honors from graduate school by far would be one of the most treasured moments in my life. Looking back now, I strongly feel the tassel was worth the hassle I endured to be where I am today. From the day I walk into the campus till the day I walked away with the scroll, I would recall every second of the journey was precious and it shaped me into who I am today.

Apart from all these, I have to confess that the most cherished moments of my life that I’d been waiting for was my marriage. January this year, I finally had taken the plunge and tie the knot with my prince charming, after four years of love. I felt I was on cloud nine at the time I stood at the marriage registrar office exchanging our oath and nuptial vows to be man and wife. The moment the registrar conveyed the declaration of marriage, as a girl I was over the moon.  That was the happiest moment of my life. A feeling which only I could understand and cherish it till eternity.

However, last week I got a sweet surprise in small package. I believe that good things comes in little package. Guess what, I got my career promotion! After being close to four years dedicated to my passion; research, I was blessed with an opportunity to move up one step in the corporate ladder. It was a euphoric moment for me simply because when I felt my work and efforts were recognized by the organization and the trust in me with the new position in my career. What’s more heartwarming is, it gives me a feeling of being a part of the organization in contributing towards the success of the research programme.

It’s impossible to describe in words about the excitement and encouragement for me to impel forward in what I am doing here at Biotechnology Research Unit. In an attempt to capture the feeling, I took some time off to be by myself and contemplate on the journey I embarked on since May 2008 till today. There are moments I can never explain in the series of hardships, challenges and bittersweet moments endured throughout the journey of my career. I believe it doesn’t matter if you are new or inexperienced in your job, but you must be able to learn things fast and be good in what it takes to be into the elite league on the long run career development. I believe if we keep our mind and heart open for new learning experiences, we will be successful in life.

Whenever a person says the happiest moments, the thing that comes to my mind is the moment that made me joyful while for others it could be more or less a passing cloud. As far as I am concerned, the most happiest moment are countless but it is a gamut from little things to life-size things that had made my life memorable. These happy moments make a mark in my life. This is what makes life meaningful and gives the exuberant feeling of living life to the fullest. This year marks the best of times in my late twenties before I hit the midlife phase.

I find myself in a place of such peace and serenity with where I am today.  Admittedly, life has thrown me some ugly curve balls, but I do believe that I have allowed them to be used to develop my character. I have endured and overcome and am expectant of joy and blessings. I am so looking forward to what lies ahead - My future.

When I look beyond the horizon, I know I am on the journey of fulfilling my dreams to the best of my abilities. Never let fear stop me from what I love doing the best. Life is not a bed of roses but I am happy with the bittersweet journey of mine.

Distance between two hearts is a test of true love

How a couple can remain close albeit living apart from each other after marriage? Each time I hear this, I wonder why it is a big deal. These are some of the questions raised by our families and friends ever since we got married recently. Is it a concern or a matter of tête-à-tête? I know some of them are genuinely concerned out of love for both of us. However, some questions in life, we don’t have an answer to it and I won’t lie that I prefer to lead the way to my life without knowing what is ahead of us.

People think that we're weird just because the belief that once you're married, you're supposed to live together. It just freaks them out. I am certain that we are not alone. Of recent times, I heard a growing number of young married couples are living apart (even in my office there are couples living apart and to my horror, they already have a baby! Can you imagine how hard this can be?). This is called the LDM (Long distance marriage) which isn’t really new. We are a young, career-driven couple, and if this is what we have to do now as long as we don’t have to do this later when we have a family already, then I’m ok with it. I would blame it on the rise of the cost of living that is the big factor of LDM.

Now, my husband and I have been married for a little more than 3 months, we both sit and reminisce what we had to endure during the dating years. And for that whole time we have essentially been in a long distance relationship. Little did we know five years ago when we got hooked up that we both will be staying apart even after wedding. I, live in uptown of KL and works as a scientist in a multinational corporation. On the other hand, Raj lives in Kulim 30km from Penang Island, where he works as an engineer. More than 400km away separates us but we are close in heart.

Raj, my husband, is a true gem. He works in the automation industry in US based company located in the heart of Kulim Hi-Tech Park. He goes out for business trip most of the time while I live and work in KL city. We are complete opposites: I am chatty, easy-going and I enjoy all things in the world of communications and science, hence why I work in the research industry and passionate leisure writer. Raj on the other hand encompasses all the personality traits of a stereotypical engineer. He is jack-of-all-trades, inquisitive of the gadgets around him, writing programme for his instruments from pretty much scratch. He is submissive at times, and will try to pose a simple solution to any question I direct his way. Although we are opposites, we complement each other with perfect fit.

I think I fell in love with him when I heard him say in the early stages of our relationship, "I want to live my life with you till my last breath”. I know it sounds cliché like some Hollywood romantic flick that I used to watch. It is cheesy pick-up line for guys to woo their girl. But I found his genuine love in his eyes and tone. He is like the romantic hero I use to admire in movies, I tell you. He very well knows how to make me happy and take good care of me. His interest in latest technology somehow entice me since we share the similar enthusiasm most often than not. He can’t spell to save his life, but I’ve seen him going all out to take good care of me. His concerns never fail to care for me. If I have had a bad day and he will be able to sense it.

I believe when we exchange the wedding vows, it simply means to love and cherish, every day of our life. True enough, it doesn’t imply that we both are physically together every day of our life. Family, friends, acquaintances—many have posed the question to me: "How do you do it, Nisha? Oh no I feel sorry for you to live apart" Or their eloquent gesture have thousand connotations. Most of the time, I shrug it off. It’s pretty annoying at times and I am getting jaded of it. Distance doesn't matter if you really love the person, what matters most is your honesty and trust for that relationship to work out.

I have cynically smiled at the funny reactions I get. Just because you do not see someone every day of your life doesn’t make them any less of your life. I truly believe in the test of our true love and it really reinforced our relationship. Despite the distance, we have a sterling tech-savvy relationship. Today’s technology allows us to talk at least more than three times per day, via Facebook, chat space or mobile phones and it just works fine for us more often than not. It keeps us connected together while we are far apart. 

We know this is not a permanent thing. My husband and I cherish the time we do have together and we are still very happy people. When we stay together, we have quality time together, and catch up with the things we left behind. We go to the movies, hop in for a long drive, enjoy late night cocktails and talk about where we would like to go for our next vacation. It's like the best of both worlds, I think. We got to spend our time together and then also apart. You appreciate the other person more when they come back. Of course it doesn't mean that we are choosing to live apart forever. The longest we have gone without seeing each other is 3 weeks. He came back probably five kgs lesser, a little shine to his face. I touched his sleek cheek and teased him that I have lost my cuddly teddy bear much to his tantrum. In fact he is becoming better looking than before!

Sometimes, even the best technology can’t help us by being together. Living apart is not something anyone hopes for. Distance living often means lonely weekends, having to attend celebrations as single, lack of shopping partner and even nothing to look forward after a long day at work. I have to admit though; this is one bandwagon I would have preferred not to have jumped on. But it’s the love for each other. We both know that despite the odds of life, we are going to have a beautiful life.

 

We learned our relationship could weather the distance and we appreciate each other more. But it wasn’t easy and certainly wasn’t something we wanted to do forever. Our family and friends think we’re crazy. I don’t think so. In some ways, I think this separation has brought about a renewed commitment to our marriage and to each other. Now, we work particularly hard at understanding one another. We don’t assume, as we once did, that we know what the other is thinking or even doing. We are looking forward to communicate in order to stay connected. Before life just gets into the way.

Of course it hasn’t been sweet and nice all the time. We’ve had our fair share of little misunderstanding but we somehow work things out mutually.  Being in a LDR takes a lot of maturity, sometimes more than either of us have. We’ve learned to give and take with each other a lot. Honey, I have always loved you before, and will always love you for time to come. We are one perfect couple although we are just not in the perfect situation and that is why they are many envying us when we both hold our hands and walked down the marriage life.

You don't look like married!

Yes, you don’t believe that I am married, aren’t you. I’m sure you didn’t. Are married women likely to look differently init?It is by practice that the wedding emblem should be carried by the women in the form of sindoor (red vermillion known as kumkum) and mangalsutra or thali. I wonder does anyone ever discern the wedding ring on the men. I find it rather unfair that people around you are so inquisitive to find out your marital status, if the girth of your waist doesn’t show up. Does it matter to them?

Over the couple of months, I have occasionally forgotten to wear the sindoor which always irate my mom. Obviously my mangalsutra is not flaunt due to safety reasons but at all times it has to be worn. It is not intentionally to conceal my marital status. It is not about fashion either. I have put on some extra pounds since I got married almost 3 months ago, but it wasn’t that obvious that most people haven’t noticed it! And therefore, I get that line often, “But you don’t look like married!” Not that I’m not trying to look single, but I don’t think I need to look married either. I mean, if you know me you would know I’m married and if you don’t, how does it matter to you?

I must say I have the privilege to look single which eventually is a sign of youth. Perhaps the nature of my personality and with the figure I am blessed with, it serves as a boon to me. My mom and aunt keep reminding themselves that, “Nisha is married” all the time. To them, I am always their little girl. No people! I am not bragging but it is just a pleasure to feel good about myself. Even then, I am defeated by few of my colleagues whom are married with a child but can afford to look like a teenager! Holy god!

The quizzical look I get when I say, I’m married is just enough for me to secretly feel excited. Don’t tell I have to carry a banner with me affirming that I’m married since I don’t look like one. What raise my curiosity, is there any defined attributes for married ladies to look like? Usually the expansion of women waist circumference and sloppy image inevitably scream out about our marital status. But why no one ever bothers a man whether he’s married or not. Does it make a difference? I think this is simple habituation of human mind to expect women to be in a certain way. I have my tongue in cheek, so you needn’t worry about me ever really doing that!

I think I have the genes that sustain the younger look in my family. If you have seen my dad and mom both in early sixties and late fifties respectively, still fairly look young (they don’t look haggard and too old). Hope I will carry their genetic factor and enjoy the gift. It’s becoming a requisite in younger couples to maintain their beauty regime and being a benchmark to look good even after married. Certainly, being married doesn’t mean that you have to give up on your looks. In the long run, it affects the marriage life for us.

My husband has been working out austerely in the health club that he recently enrolled right after our wedding. He has been hitting the gym and pool every single day till he has shed down on his visceral fat deposits around his waist. Trust me; I am in love again with my hubby. He looks dashing, man! This ultimately fortifies our bond and keeps alive the love that we share. I am up for my beauty and health regime to look attractive like the very first time he fell in love with me.

As a modern age woman, I would strongly adhere to certain principles of life indoctrinated with a dose of moral compulsion for me to be respected and appreciated. Yet, this does not single out women to be treated differently than men. If I am married, so be it then! It doesn’t have to be sensationalized to others. As long as my husband knows I am fulfilling my role as a wife and my family understands my capability to take care of my married life, this is all that matters. The rest is just insignificant.