People think that we're weird just because the belief that once you're married, you're supposed to live together. It just freaks them out. I am certain that we are not alone. Of recent times, I heard a growing number of young married couples are living apart (even in my office there are couples living apart and to my horror, they already have a baby! Can you imagine how hard this can be?). This is called the LDM (Long distance marriage) which isn’t really new. We are a young, career-driven couple, and if this is what we have to do now as long as we don’t have to do this later when we have a family already, then I’m ok with it. I would blame it on the rise of the cost of living that is the big factor of LDM.
Now, my husband and I have been married for a little more than 3 months, we both sit and reminisce what we had to endure during the dating years. And for that whole time we have essentially been in a long distance relationship. Little did we know five years ago when we got hooked up that we both will be staying apart even after wedding. I, live in uptown of KL and works as a scientist in a multinational corporation. On the other hand, Raj lives in Kulim 30km from Penang Island, where he works as an engineer. More than 400km away separates us but we are close in heart.
Raj, my husband, is a true gem. He works in the automation industry in US based company located in the heart of Kulim Hi-Tech Park. He goes out for business trip most of the time while I live and work in KL city. We are complete opposites: I am chatty, easy-going and I enjoy all things in the world of communications and science, hence why I work in the research industry and passionate leisure writer. Raj on the other hand encompasses all the personality traits of a stereotypical engineer. He is jack-of-all-trades, inquisitive of the gadgets around him, writing programme for his instruments from pretty much scratch. He is submissive at times, and will try to pose a simple solution to any question I direct his way. Although we are opposites, we complement each other with perfect fit.
I think I fell in love with him when I heard him say in the early stages of our relationship, "I want to live my life with you till my last breath”. I know it sounds cliché like some Hollywood romantic flick that I used to watch. It is cheesy pick-up line for guys to woo their girl. But I found his genuine love in his eyes and tone. He is like the romantic hero I use to admire in movies, I tell you. He very well knows how to make me happy and take good care of me. His interest in latest technology somehow entice me since we share the similar enthusiasm most often than not. He can’t spell to save his life, but I’ve seen him going all out to take good care of me. His concerns never fail to care for me. If I have had a bad day and he will be able to sense it.
I believe when we exchange the wedding vows, it simply means to love and cherish, every day of our life. True enough, it doesn’t imply that we both are physically together every day of our life. Family, friends, acquaintances—many have posed the question to me: "How do you do it, Nisha? Oh no I feel sorry for you to live apart" Or their eloquent gesture have thousand connotations. Most of the time, I shrug it off. It’s pretty annoying at times and I am getting jaded of it. Distance doesn't matter if you really love the person, what matters most is your honesty and trust for that relationship to work out.
I have cynically smiled at the funny reactions I get. Just because you do not see someone every day of your life doesn’t make them any less of your life. I truly believe in the test of our true love and it really reinforced our relationship. Despite the distance, we have a sterling tech-savvy relationship. Today’s technology allows us to talk at least more than three times per day, via Facebook, chat space or mobile phones and it just works fine for us more often than not. It keeps us connected together while we are far apart.
We know this is not a permanent thing. My husband and I cherish the time we do have together and we are still very happy people. When we stay together, we have quality time together, and catch up with the things we left behind. We go to the movies, hop in for a long drive, enjoy late night cocktails and talk about where we would like to go for our next vacation. It's like the best of both worlds, I think. We got to spend our time together and then also apart. You appreciate the other person more when they come back. Of course it doesn't mean that we are choosing to live apart forever. The longest we have gone without seeing each other is 3 weeks. He came back probably five kgs lesser, a little shine to his face. I touched his sleek cheek and teased him that I have lost my cuddly teddy bear much to his tantrum. In fact he is becoming better looking than before!
Sometimes, even the best technology can’t help us by being together. Living apart is not something anyone hopes for. Distance living often means lonely weekends, having to attend celebrations as single, lack of shopping partner and even nothing to look forward after a long day at work. I have to admit though; this is one bandwagon I would have preferred not to have jumped on. But it’s the love for each other. We both know that despite the odds of life, we are going to have a beautiful life.
We learned our relationship could weather the distance and we appreciate each other more. But it wasn’t easy and certainly wasn’t something we wanted to do forever. Our family and friends think we’re crazy. I don’t think so. In some ways, I think this separation has brought about a renewed commitment to our marriage and to each other. Now, we work particularly hard at understanding one another. We don’t assume, as we once did, that we know what the other is thinking or even doing. We are looking forward to communicate in order to stay connected. Before life just gets into the way.
Of course it hasn’t been sweet and nice all the time. We’ve had our fair share of little misunderstanding but we somehow work things out mutually. Being in a LDR takes a lot of maturity, sometimes more than either of us have. We’ve learned to give and take with each other a lot. Honey, I have always loved you before, and will always love you for time to come. We are one perfect couple although we are just not in the perfect situation and that is why they are many envying us when we both hold our hands and walked down the marriage life. 
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