The feeling of void

Source: Christian Robert-Tissot

Suddenly, I’ve got a funny feeling that something’s missing from my life. It is very hard to express this “feeling of void” in words. But it is inevitably a feeling created by sudden realization that it is important to look into the reality of life when you feel something is bothering you deep inside. I did take a look at myself in the mirror and see where I am and what I am today. Void is a feeling so meaningless yet so realistic, strong and overwhelming. Each time it feels like I am engulfed into an empty space and the feeling can be dreadful. My soul in no doubt screams for help and fights against all odds to break free from the clinch of void in my life.

 Though I manage to convince myself that I am fine, that I don’t need anything, but I just need to take a huge break from the recent nerve-racking phase of my life. For the past couple of days I feel the hurt deep inside me. Sometimes, I just can’t bear the feeling so empty inside. It’s like I have become so numb. Perhaps I can hide the void for awhile. Maybe I can bury it under my piles of important work, datelines to meet or I can even conceal it by entertaining myself with what I like the most. But it won’t go away. And I so well know about it. It is still there; that something is still missing.

At the moment, I have a cluttered mind and too many feelings encircling me. I don’t feel the things I should. I can feel the void because I am searching for that emotion that I just can’t find perhaps a connection or it was never there. Sometimes the emptiness gets so bad that it becomes a physical pain, and no way to stop the hurting, and for days straight there is no way to get past the anxiety, the annoyance, the need for more than life has offered, and knowing there is something that can be changed.  

This is when I either choose to dismiss the past and go on or look back and face it with what could have gone wrong there. Or maybe there was nothing wrong after all. This is not easy. Today, I know what I have to do rather than fooling myself. I remember someone told me that it doesn’t matter what is bothering you but you must know what is more important in life now. The void will diminish only when you take control of yourself. Savor the beautiful life you have been blessed with, the relationship you have been gifted with and the reason for your existence on this earth. Nothing is more beautiful, nothing can give you more abundance than this. You will find your spirits lifted in joy!