Just another gloomy day today that drains away my energy and creates a wave of melancholy. Nothing new though. Lately, the fretfulness keeps coming back on my door and keeps me on edge. It has gotten any better yet it made me become so numb to all the challenges I am experiencing at work. Life after varsity thought me a lot in life. I learnt that life after studies were not as fun as the picture painted by our elders. Needless to say, I have a wonderful career, lovely family, beautiful life and the age to enjoy. But once you walk into this working bandwagon, life is going to be busy as ever. Sometimes, you’ll need to forget about the mirage of ultimate enjoyment after studies. Life will be on different page from then on; as we will all be busy establishing our career and suddenly everything seems right and normal to be workaholic as the dedication towards our career dominate us. I can see in your mind's eye that many of you out there can’t help but concur to what I am saying here.
To be frank, I don’t believe in fallacy, but then again, I take the pleasure to blame it on the feng shui of my new workplace on the series of unforeseen hiccups which has been happening to my project. Being a researcher in a big big challenging science world, nothing will seem right all the time or picture-perfect-kind-of-scenarios is definitely uncommon. Since my project took off last financial year, it was a smooth journey even though there were some glitches in between. But this year don’t seem to be really good, not only to me but in fact to the rest as well. I’ve been trying to figure out what transpired here and there within the last 10 months. But I remember only the good things and not the bad ones though! All these put me into a perturbed state of mind most of the time (for all you know, something pops up out of nowhere these days). It can get bad enough as I can feel the anxiety sets in and mood swings overwhelm me.
Today was another day to add onto the history of hitches I have gone through with my project team mate over the past few months. It’s nothing new to us anyway. So I am not banking much on it either to help me or to add-on my list of increasing responsibility for my project. In the beginning of the ‘crisis’ (which seem to be mild to me at first glance), I was pretty skeptical on how to go about the work. Everything seem to be running in circles and after talking to our consultant whom brought us back into the right frame of mind, things look optimistic after that. So I was geared up to face challenges which I expect to take place sporadically. But deep down in my heart, there is something called ‘HOPE’ that keeps me going. Apparently, that ‘little hope’ also was shattered today which made everything look so dark and gloomy. Time passing by seems painfully slow today. Like hour and a half slow. To make things worse, the flu bug played its part exceptionally well. From a bright sunny day, it became conflicting on second half of the day. Slow, cold and grouchy. Couldn’t do much about the emotions and ambiance. I got myself intrigued into my upshot project analysis (Even the analysis wasn’t going smooth. I spend almost the whole day to figure out why the analysis was not cracking the code I’m looking for). It helped me to get off my mind from the bugging issues for time being. In a day or two, I would not be sitting on it anymore. And yeah, the appointment with my vendor actually steals some of my time away and it was almost time up to go home! :)
I so dont want to feel gloomy anymore. Banish the feelings. Chase away the thoughts. Tomorrow it's gonna be a great bright day!
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